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Holy Cow

HOLY COW is the fun and funny story of Christy, a special calf born on Christmas day who bravely escapes the slaughter and the three children who help save her: Rachael, a thirteen year old who lives in a Star Trek fantasy chat room on the web, Franklin, a nine year old boy, whose problem is "whale size brains, shrimp size body..." and Romy, their very young sister. After hearing of Christy's initial journey to find her missing mother, the children discover JB Farms plans to send Christy to the slaughterhouse in hopes they might head off media interest in the cow. (Because of the drop in pork prices after the movie BABE, JB Farms executives are worried a good cow story might cause a corresponding drop in beef prices. As JB explains to his executives: "The last thing we want is for folks to start thinking of cows in a pig kind of way...") At a loss as to just how to save Christy, the children's Hispanic grandmother, Marie relates a story from her childhood of Saint Ambrose, the great protector of animals. The children appeal to the Saint to intervene.

Christy miraculously escapes from the slaughter.

The children alert the media and within days the American public fall in love with the children, their faith in the saint's intervention and Christy, now the Holy Cow. JB and company are terrified as the media story grows and grows, eventually alerting a Hollywood agent who begins to see the possibilities (read dollar signs) of a cow story. Beef prices indeed start to fall. The world watches as the battle over ownership of Christy moves to the court. The children and the cow lose as JB Farms' head lawyer, a man affectionately known as Snake, convinces the judge that the fate of America rests on sky rocketing beef prices. In the final scene, shamelessly stolen straight from THE SOUND OF MUSIC where Captain Von Trapp and company escape the evil nazis by hiding in the church, the animal right nut cases help the children rescue Christy.

Numerous other well drawn, zany kinds of characters tell the story: JB, his executives, and JB Farm cowboys, Joshua Hall, the children's loving but hopelessly inept father is a pastor whose sermons act as powerful sleeping potions, their grandmother, Marie, a Mexican immigrant who loves opera, cooking and the children in that order, Toni Hall, their high powered attorney mom who almost saves the day, Panda Bear, their large black and white Newfoundland dog and Longjohn, their talking parrot, who definitely steals the show.

This story is occasionally outrageous and thankfully, heartwarming in only two or three places. The humor is sometimes sophisticated, always playful and only in one scene does it stoop to HOME ALONE slap stick, seen one scene, seen 'em all type comedy. So, unlike so many other children's comedies, this one is an adult crowd pleaser as well.

Abstract Red Waves

This script is available upon request: jaejflowers@gmail.com

© JJ Flowers Book 2026 All Rights Are Reserved

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